Tag Archives: heart

The Mistrust of Head and Heart

Making sense of what you’ve said
With the thoughts already on my mind
Well, darlin’ don’t look down
Cos it’s too far for you to fall

Count the hours and face your fears
Oscillate and get nowhere fast
Well darlin’ don’t look now
They’ll be coming through the door

I’ve been thinking about your
… love and what I’ll do
You’re hanging over me
Storm clouds and loggerheads

You get me down, so I get high
And I’ve been hanging out for days
Sitting in your haunted grounds
With the apparition of your love

Three days ago on that beach we combed
I was digging up the harder days
Well darlin’, I might have known
You’d been tearing up all the photographs

Lost sight of what love really was
When I set sail for higher ground
In a few days I’ll find my way around
It just takes some time to move on

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Vergift

I’m stranded
Out on the rock
Of the beach
Of your love

Searing sunshine
Simmering horizon
The boiling ocean

I’m sickly
By vergift
Your gift
To me
In the dying light
The fading embers
A sickly-sweet kiss
The taste of death
On those lips
Those tracing
Fingertips

Disheveled
Gone haywire
Watch the machine
Misfire
Tinker and toil
Ratchet and wrench
A thousand more pieces
For you to try and fit
Reconfigure
Reconstruct

My malleable heart
The blacksmith’s iron
Forge and shape
Temper and mold
Glowing white-hot
Searing sunshine
You’ve left my body
So very cold

Seaside

Am I awake?
Or have I been sleeping?
I found myself on the seaside
Gasping for air and running
Through the sand, as if
Lead weights were tied
Around my ankles.

Are you here?
Or do I just wish you were?
I found myself floating out
Among buoys and waves
Part of the flotsam, as if
I were the shipwreck
With no survivors.

Is this real?
Or just my imagination?
I found myself on a park bench,
Arm in arm with a lover
In the foreground, as if
We were being painted
And hung on the wall.

Are you packed?
Could I beg you stay?
I found myself in a hotel room,
Heart forced into a suitcase,
My soul left sitting there,
On the dresser, for the
Next occupant to use.

Am I awake?
Or have I been sleeping?
I found myself on the seaside,
Staring up at the stars,
In a moment that would last,
If only you would let it,
If only you would stay.

Lament

The waxing moon rose high into the night sky, its jaundiced glow making things seem a little brighter. Constellations in the shapes of stars surrounded the moon, a fiery army of the night that watched over everything, even though they were so far away. When you and I look back at this, will we remember the good times? Or will the times of pain, hurt and heartbreak rule the memories of what we once were?

The eroding beaches of time will always tell. The tide comes in and goes, the ever-growing moon pulling at the ocean deeps with all it’s might. The waxing moon’s shine bounces off the calm rippling surface leaving a glimmer that fades in your eyes. You can see the frown of regret drawn crudely on my face and you run a soft finger across the edge of my lips.

Your water well eyes and cotton mouth would be perfect if only they could fit in each other. Your mouth is stuck trying to tell me that everything’s going to be all right. Everything works out in the end. But staring into those emerald eyes, I’m drowning for the past. You said we could never go back, the past was done. However, in my head I can replay the good and block out the bad. My own little movie studio where every ending is a happy ending.

Do you remember the first time we met here? The waning moon had a reddish glow as it sank beneath the mighty ocean. Everything seemed easier then. Both of us were trembling, nervous for what might happen next. We knew what we wanted and it was the same. I was the one who finally grew the courage and leaned in for that first awkward kiss. My body was stiffer than a toy soldier when I made the move, but you embraced it completely.

When we moved apart and looked at each other for the first time after that moment, wide-eyed and full of wonderment, did you ever think it could end this way? Did you ever think the last day of the summer could be so cold? Everything that came out of your mouth seemed forced as I listened. I let the words come out, I had nothing to say. Even if I had wanted to, I wouldn’t have been able to muster any words of coherence.

Finally after looking away from those beautiful eyes of yours, I was able to open my mouth. “How did we get so far apart?” I asked. You looked down at yours toes and dug them into the soft sand, speechless. “We used to be so close together.” I said. You put your chin into your chest and swallowed hard. Our journey as waves had just crashed into the breakwater. We’ve been left in pieces, shattered glass from a window pane.

As clear as the sky was that night, I felt like the rain was pouring down in my head. So sad to see us this way, I lament. I was hoping you’d let me down easy. Though I knew that would be impossible, the way I felt about you, and you to myself. I wanted to cry and I wanted to scream. I wanted to make you understand that you couldn’t do this to me… to us. The words were there in my head, but I was choking on them and I was never going to get them out.

After all we had gone through, I finally understood what it meant to feel the way it does when the rain comes down hard. Ere our substance as one was quickly unraveling and neither of us was being strong enough to pull through the emotion of what we were doing to one another. Everything fades in time, it’s true, but not like this.

For the last time I looked into your beautiful green eyes, the burning embers I had remembered from years past had began to smolder and the tears finally began to roll down the sides of your face. I raised a hand and put it to the side of your face and struggled one last smile. “I’ll always love you.” I said, filled with conviction. My eyes also began to water as you fought out a smile of your own. This was it and I stood up and began to walk from the beach we had spent so many nights on. I could feel your teary-eyed gaze watching me as I walked off into the night. And I couldn’t help but feel that I was slowly dying in those emerald eyes of yours.

It was then that I thought I heard your voice whisper, or maybe it was just the wind, “Maybe I can give this just one more try…”

Monster

In terror,
watch them flee.
They look,
over their shoulders.
Running as fast,
As their legs will carry them.

It’s hopeless,
yet still they run.
Their blood,
coursing through veins.
Their hearts,
ready to explode through their chest.

The monster,
lurking in the shadow.
The monster,
behind every corner.
The monster,
is whatever they make it out to be.

Close their eyes,
afraid to fall asleep.
Beads of sweat,
Drip drop, drip drop.
They feel the monster,
in pursuit and nipping at their heels.

Where do they turn?
Oh, where do they go?

Crimson blood,
now paints the walls.
And the bodies,
are piling up in the corner.
Running out,
they’re running out of floor space.

Stack them neat,
and stack them higher still.
The memories,
of the departed are here.
Gnawing within,
eating their brains from the inside.

Just take two,
the doctor remarks.
And call me,
First thing in the morning.
To tell me,
how you’re feeling after this.

Now maybe,
these nightmares will end.
And the monster,
will stop hunting them down.
In terror,
They keep running from make believe.

Aviator

Walkin’ down empty streets all alone at night
Meet a man with a cane says he flies planes
Well Mister you know I can’t really talk
See I’m seein’ Jane and I’m late for my train
She’s a real pain and I can’t leave her in the rain
She looks real bad when she gets soaked

Well this man would have none of my plight
Son your heart got away, your soul’s gone astray
To all the places that tomorrow never knows
And if I may you’ve got to go and seize it today
It’s too late to pray, son just dive into the fray
You’re lookin’ real bad when you get down

But what else can I do?
Just waiting in the queue

This man was a well of wisdom giving me a sip
I let him speak his mind now that I make time
Son let me tell you about the loved and the lost
He said you’ll come to find they’re not so kind
But love will wind and always become entwined
You’re lookin real bad when your heart’s broke

So now I took of my hat and decided I’d go on
Mister her name’s Allison, thought she was the one
But I lost my head and she lost her desire
And it ain’t always so fun when I’m not in her sun
Her love can’t be outdone now that I got none
Not lookin’ so bad whenever I see her

But what else can I do?
Standing without you

Well this man with his cane would not be stopped
Son don’t be blue you know I’ve been there too
Everyone’s heart aches every now and then
You’ll make it through, can tell by lookin’ at you
Let me give you a clue, all my words are true
You’re lookin’ better with time

But what else can I do?
I bid her a fair adieu

Failure

I’ve never found the answers
At the bottom of any bottle
I’ve been given plenty of labels
Most of them have never stuck
Failure, fuck up, lazy and loser
Uninspiring words from those
Who don’t know what it’s like
I’ve been stoned out of my mind
Tripped to places seldom seen
Traipsed the world for answers
They were just out of my grasp
My fingers clawing at the gaps
She tells me my love’s in vein
But my effort wasn’t in doubt
I was left nonplussed in the car
Distraught and dismantled
My heart sundered in pieces
I still haven’t found them all
Swallowing those ersatz pills
Of false words, forced smiles
Couldn’t she slip me a noose
From the hangman’s gallows
Metaphorically, of course
She wore the executioner’s hood
With such zeal and aplomb
I certainly couldn’t resist her
Poisonous advances that rose
Like fog rolling in from the sea
Her voice striking through
The sword piercing my armor
Falling to my knees, gasping
To do this all over again