Tag Archives: depression

Technicolor Hearts

it’s about to begin
soak in this spectrum
of light and sound
I sprayed my love
across your walls
in technicolor

pay no mind
to twisted faces
grinning smiles
their hollow eyes
looking, staring
right through

they’re monsters
locked away
stashed secretly
deep within
deep down
free them now

one thousand tiny
stinging paper cuts
from love letters
I couldn’t bear
to seal and send
piling ever higher

I’m so afraid
the messenger bird
shot out of the sky
a cloud of feathers
heavier than the sun
I can’t bear to witness
I can’t bear to be

I sprayed my love
across your white walls
in the technicolor
of my bleeding heart
it’s just as you imagined

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The Mistrust of Head and Heart

Making sense of what you’ve said
With the thoughts already on my mind
Well, darlin’ don’t look down
Cos it’s too far for you to fall

Count the hours and face your fears
Oscillate and get nowhere fast
Well darlin’ don’t look now
They’ll be coming through the door

I’ve been thinking about your
… love and what I’ll do
You’re hanging over me
Storm clouds and loggerheads

You get me down, so I get high
And I’ve been hanging out for days
Sitting in your haunted grounds
With the apparition of your love

Three days ago on that beach we combed
I was digging up the harder days
Well darlin’, I might have known
You’d been tearing up all the photographs

Lost sight of what love really was
When I set sail for higher ground
In a few days I’ll find my way around
It just takes some time to move on

Wrong Number

I picked up my telephone
To hear you crying through static
Somewhere on the other end
Fiber optics and electricity
Have brought you closer to me
And darling, you sure sound lonely
I’d ask you to tell me what’s wrong
Tell me your entire sad story
But sorry love, wrong number

I watched you in technicolor
Graffiti splayed on concrete walls
Broken pavement, cracked sidewalks
Have brought you closer to me
And darling, you sure look lonely
Sitting on the curb with a broken heel
Mascara running down your cheeks
Oh, those eyes how they pull me in
Emerald and sparkling through tears

Last night I heard you calling
Words echoing off empty alley walls
Down desolate dimly lit highways
Abandoned lots with overgrown grass
Have brought you closer to me
And darling, you sure sound lonely
Seems like you could use a new friend
Give me a call and let your smile shine
But sorry love, wrong number

Seaside

Am I awake?
Or have I been sleeping?
I found myself on the seaside
Gasping for air and running
Through the sand, as if
Lead weights were tied
Around my ankles.

Are you here?
Or do I just wish you were?
I found myself floating out
Among buoys and waves
Part of the flotsam, as if
I were the shipwreck
With no survivors.

Is this real?
Or just my imagination?
I found myself on a park bench,
Arm in arm with a lover
In the foreground, as if
We were being painted
And hung on the wall.

Are you packed?
Could I beg you stay?
I found myself in a hotel room,
Heart forced into a suitcase,
My soul left sitting there,
On the dresser, for the
Next occupant to use.

Am I awake?
Or have I been sleeping?
I found myself on the seaside,
Staring up at the stars,
In a moment that would last,
If only you would let it,
If only you would stay.

Strange Night

To the girl I left there sleeping, I haven’t much to say
I threw on my overcoat, dragged myself into the day
The rain comes down from clouds that hang above
While pouring out what used to be our love
And your face ripples in every puddle I step over
While thinking back to that grassy knoll east of Dover
Back to those days when we didn’t even have to try
As brick buildings rise cold against the graying sky
To the days when you were the canary to my coal miner
I’m sat over a cup of coffee at the far end of a lonely diner
Served an overcooked breakfast and day old newspapers
Tales of the good times and bad and adventurous capers
All of those stories that we’ve been subjected to before
And all the while I’m contemplating a knock at your door
Because I left my heart at the bottom of a bottle of whiskey
While my mind was lost and my soul had sailed out to sea
Just a matter of time before this ersatz smile begins to crack
While my mind can do nothing but keep reverting back
To that strange night I spent in a stranger’s bed
And how I woke up beside her with you in my head

Lament

The waxing moon rose high into the night sky, its jaundiced glow making things seem a little brighter. Constellations in the shapes of stars surrounded the moon, a fiery army of the night that watched over everything, even though they were so far away. When you and I look back at this, will we remember the good times? Or will the times of pain, hurt and heartbreak rule the memories of what we once were?

The eroding beaches of time will always tell. The tide comes in and goes, the ever-growing moon pulling at the ocean deeps with all it’s might. The waxing moon’s shine bounces off the calm rippling surface leaving a glimmer that fades in your eyes. You can see the frown of regret drawn crudely on my face and you run a soft finger across the edge of my lips.

Your water well eyes and cotton mouth would be perfect if only they could fit in each other. Your mouth is stuck trying to tell me that everything’s going to be all right. Everything works out in the end. But staring into those emerald eyes, I’m drowning for the past. You said we could never go back, the past was done. However, in my head I can replay the good and block out the bad. My own little movie studio where every ending is a happy ending.

Do you remember the first time we met here? The waning moon had a reddish glow as it sank beneath the mighty ocean. Everything seemed easier then. Both of us were trembling, nervous for what might happen next. We knew what we wanted and it was the same. I was the one who finally grew the courage and leaned in for that first awkward kiss. My body was stiffer than a toy soldier when I made the move, but you embraced it completely.

When we moved apart and looked at each other for the first time after that moment, wide-eyed and full of wonderment, did you ever think it could end this way? Did you ever think the last day of the summer could be so cold? Everything that came out of your mouth seemed forced as I listened. I let the words come out, I had nothing to say. Even if I had wanted to, I wouldn’t have been able to muster any words of coherence.

Finally after looking away from those beautiful eyes of yours, I was able to open my mouth. “How did we get so far apart?” I asked. You looked down at yours toes and dug them into the soft sand, speechless. “We used to be so close together.” I said. You put your chin into your chest and swallowed hard. Our journey as waves had just crashed into the breakwater. We’ve been left in pieces, shattered glass from a window pane.

As clear as the sky was that night, I felt like the rain was pouring down in my head. So sad to see us this way, I lament. I was hoping you’d let me down easy. Though I knew that would be impossible, the way I felt about you, and you to myself. I wanted to cry and I wanted to scream. I wanted to make you understand that you couldn’t do this to me… to us. The words were there in my head, but I was choking on them and I was never going to get them out.

After all we had gone through, I finally understood what it meant to feel the way it does when the rain comes down hard. Ere our substance as one was quickly unraveling and neither of us was being strong enough to pull through the emotion of what we were doing to one another. Everything fades in time, it’s true, but not like this.

For the last time I looked into your beautiful green eyes, the burning embers I had remembered from years past had began to smolder and the tears finally began to roll down the sides of your face. I raised a hand and put it to the side of your face and struggled one last smile. “I’ll always love you.” I said, filled with conviction. My eyes also began to water as you fought out a smile of your own. This was it and I stood up and began to walk from the beach we had spent so many nights on. I could feel your teary-eyed gaze watching me as I walked off into the night. And I couldn’t help but feel that I was slowly dying in those emerald eyes of yours.

It was then that I thought I heard your voice whisper, or maybe it was just the wind, “Maybe I can give this just one more try…”

Down

Clouds drift and pass in the big blue sky
And I wonder if that’s you looking up at me
Falling is easy when there’s nowhere else to go
Nowhere else to go but down

Trying to hold my breath
Can’t you see how blue I’ve become?
Would you believe the depths I’ve been?
You’ve got me scared to death
And my other half’s always a mess
When I’m in a dream

It seems like a long way down
Now that I’m falling
Tumbling down a staircase
Maybe even a rabbit hole
When you look up high
Into the big blue sky
Do you see me tumbling
Or do you just ask yourself why
And wave, wave, wave
Wave goodbye

You know lately I’ve come to find
That forever looking down
Is going to be the death of me